I know it's been an incredibly long time. Many times, I've wanted to write here only to feel all self-conscious. The fact is I can't blog here anymore. There are too much memories here. I feel suffocated by everything I've ever written here and I think it's just about time for things to change and for me to move on.
And so with that, I announce the closure of Emotional Absurdity.
With effect from today, I will be officially moving to
to blog there instead.
Perhaps the fresh slate will be the key to changing my life around. I've been a wreck lately. I am getting out of this wreck before I drive myself crazy.
So I will still be keeping EmotionalAbsurdity around for awhile. But I will cease all blogging activities here and this blog will be indefinitely shut down after the 10th of May 2011.
Toodles! (For the last time!)
See you guys at Roaming Legs!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately. And it's beginning to scare me just how warped people's notions of love is.
What I've gotten out of about 10 blogs and 90384034 Facebook/Twitter posts I've read lately are:
1) Fuck. Where's my boyfriend/girlfriend. He/She needs to be here with me NOW. RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!2) My boyfriend/girlfriend cannot have female/male friends.3) I control my boyfriend/girlfriend's facebook account. HE/SHE MUST NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS FROM DIFFERENT SEX. NO!!!!!!4) You better reply my message in the next 5 seconds or I will fucking rip you apart.5) You have to be be my side like EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE. I DON'T CARE!!!
My goodness. I am always tempted to tell these people to chill and that their boyfriends/girlfriends DO NOT FREAKING BELONG TO THEM.
(But I am too nice for that. Ahem. No lah, actually because I just don't want to seem KPO)
But I've been seeing so many cases of these lately that I feel like I really just need to voice it out.
Come on people.
They are just your boyfriend/girlfriend. They are not your items. They are not things/people that you've purchased. They do not have to report to you every single second. They are not your possessions!
And have some confidence and self esteem please. Have some self-worth too please. Do you really think that 5 minutes or 5 seconds will make a difference to your relationship if your partner really decides to leave you? And do you really think that keeping him/her by your side every single minute and second will change things if he/she really didn't like you that much? Do you really think that by begging him/her to stay with you, things will be different and your relationship will be what you want it to be?
The truth is... You can't force things to happen. You can't will things to happen. If they are not supposed to happen or if things are already at the point where it cannot be salvaged, then there's no point doing anything at all.
There's no point whining.
There's no point crying.
There's no point wishing.
There's no point trying to possess.
It's just pointless. If things are not meant to be, it won't be. Simple as that.
Have some self-worth. Don't do things just because you feel like this could possibly salvage your relationship. It doesn't. In fact, you are only being taken advantage of and being viewed as cheap.
Anyway, in summary: What I'm trying to say here is Love is more than possession. Love is understanding, love is giving and taking, love is compromising, love is caring, love is warmth, love is giving people warmth, love is giving that last morsel of your favorite food to him/her, love is being selfish, love is also not being selfish. Love is a huge contradiction. But I know for sure that love does not equate to possession.
I know for sure that love is not wanting someone. It is not needing someone. It is wanting and needing someone special to be the happiest person they can ever be.
Posted by Vil. at 7:59 PM
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The truth is... I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to approach people. I don't know how to not be passive. I don't know how to not be shy. Even to people I am extremely close to.
I know I seem like the complete opposite to many people out there. I know I'm sometimes even the one who initiates outing. I know once I see you, I am nothing like I describe myself to be.
But it's true. I am an introvert through and through. I don't like to interact with people. I don't like to have to talk. I don't like to be active. I don't like to have to make the first move to talk to people unless it is absolutely necessary for me to do so. I like to stay in my little comfort bubble.
I guess this is also the reason behind my losing (or close to losing) of some of the most treasured friendships I have in my life.
I honestly, honestly miss a few people in my life right now. I really really miss them. But I honestly, honestly don't know how to approach them anymore. I can only see their names flash past me on Twitter, Facebook, my phone, Blogger, Tumblr and wish I had the guts to talk to them.
Cuz once I start, I would have broken that barrier.
It sucks. It sucks big time.
I want to break out of it. But it's so hard. It's so difficult.
And I need to breathe. And I'm tired.
Posted by Vil. at 2:21 AM
Saturday, February 19, 2011
There are about a million and one thoughts flying through my mind right now. 99% of those thoughts are very much relevant to how I've officially unofficially graduated from Temasek Polytechnic.
So, I am feeling more than a little lost right now. I don't know where to go from here. I have a lot of plans for my future. A lot is an understatement. I am torn between working, studying and expanding Thursday Tales. While it seems like the 3 are un-conflicting events, it is going to be a huge challenge if I try to balance all 3. I am not confident of doing it. I like doing things to perfection. And I am not confident of doing everything at one go because doing too much only hinders perfection.
I really want to do all 3. I know I have to continue studying because I actually like studying as long as my studies are relevant to my future and as long as they are practical courses that are not too theoretical.
I really want to work in an advertising agency or anything marketing related because it has my dream to do that - I also really want to gather some form of experience so that I always have that back up plan.
And Thursday Tales is my dream. It is that one thing that has kept me going and sane throughout the past year of exhaustion from projects. I really want to develop my dream and I want it to take off well especially with all the awesome support I've gotten from my friends and family members.
So I am back to being torn. I could probably take this step by step but I really don't feel like time is my best friend these days.
And if anything, I wish more than ever that things proceed faster and not slowly.
Posted by Vil. at 7:45 AM
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Life in Temasek Polytechnic has finally ended for me. The past 3 years were incredible. I cried, I laughed, I had lots of fun, I had my fair share of anger, lots and lots of sleep lost and losing my general health. And now, it has finally ended.
Marketing Overseas Study Trip 2009 - Taiwan Dlink
Marketing Overseas Study Trip 2009 - Taiwan Shinyeh Table
I think one of the most impacting events that happened throughout my entire life in Temasek Polytechnic was joining the Marketing Family. Although I've never gelled quite in, I really like how well each and every marketer is able to interact with each other. Being in Marketing is really like being introduced into a large family. Most of us know each other, if not by name, at least by face. And it's nice that you know you're in the right class when your class is forever filled with laughters and joy.
2M01 2009 - Project Overnighting
2M01 2009 - Creative Campaign Project Advertisement Shooting - This was my favorite project group ever.
3M05 2010 - Strategic Marketing Presentation
3M05 2011 - Final Presentation, Entrepreneurship
3M05 - Global Marketing Project Group - The girls who have both driven me crazy and kept me sane for the past 1 year.
This is the life of a marketer in Temasek Polytechnic. Dry humor, real humor, tears, laughters, happiness, joy, excitement, disappointment, stress, relief, sleepless nights, sleepy days. These are the feelings a marketer will inevitably feel when he/she steps into the marketing path in Temasek Polytechnic.
And I really am pretty glad I entered this large family, 'cause without them, I would never have been able to find myself. I would also have never been able to excel and grow the way a marketer is trained to.
So, I've finally came to the end of this journey. The closure of this life-altering chapter. Now, we will move on to a new chapter in your life and my life alike.
Posted by Vil. at 3:20 AM
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I sometimes refer myself as an idealist. As much as I like being a realist, being an idealist gives you so much more hope. You get to think more, you get to imagine, you get to hope. Being a hardcore realist doesn't really give you that much opportunity to hope. People expect you to get real all the time.
And so, during this (belated) valentine's day, I present to you a list of unrealistic expectations I have for my boyfriend from this girlfriend who has decided she wants to be idealistic for the occasion:
1. For you to surprise me with just one stalk of rose. As much as I don't believe in flowers, I'd like to be surprised. We don't believe in flowers, we don't do flowers. But I just wonder if it's possible for us to be different for once.
2. For you to to just slip your arms around my (almost non-existent now) waist and refuse to let me go. I need to feel needed.
3. For us to travel to more and more countries in the future.
And probably a whole lot more that the realist in me does not allow me to fantasize about.
Some days, I feel like I have this constant battle going on in my heart. A battle between the realist and the idealist. I know there are a lot of things that I cannot prevent and cannot help. It, however, does not deter me from constantly fretting and worrying about it. It also does not stop me from hoping that what I can do might help. This is that battle between the realist and the idealist in me.
And until that battle stops, I guess I will never stop blogging here.
Posted by Vil. at 12:31 AM
Thursday, February 10, 2011
It's been what? A month since I last blogged? Wow. Time has its way of passing too damn quickly. I am graduating in a few month's time. School will also be finishing for me by the end of next week. I am not feeling sad or nostalgic at all.
It's more like a wash of relief since the past 1 year has been pretty much hellish for me. I feel like the only semester that really captured me was really semester 2.1. I worked with people I liked and people I genuinely could work with. Too bad in the end it didn't really work out.
But yes, the end of school. Finally. I am glad.
This was always the moment I was afraid of. I don't know where to go next.
I would love to continue studying but I really don't want to end up becoming a money slave right after my graduation. I want to have the leisure to travel around, to do the things I like and to just have fun before I launch into the stage of becoming a money slave...
Every Singaporean will eventually become a money slave.
I just... You know... I just want to slow down that process a little.
But the world is so judgmental. If I don't go into the university immediately... God knows what kind of rumors will be shared behind my back. But it's not the rumors I am ultimately afraid of... I am just afraid of myself.
Because I realize I really really don't know where to go next. It's confusing and tiring.
Posted by Vil. at 1:22 AM