I've lost the part of me that was cheerful, very talkative and optimistic. Yes, I used to be optimistic. But too much happened in my life and it's now pretty hard for me to stay anywhere near optimistic.
I used to be able to sustain conversations for over 30 minutes. Now... 5 minutes and I would have thrown in enough conversation breakers to put a person off when talking to me. It's kind of sad and it's a skill that I'll need to improve on. Because in this industry I am about to step into, the ability to communicate well is a must. I cannot be as quiet as I am now in the future. I cannot continue being glum and quiet and expect myself to be able to succeed.
I cannot deny the amount of pessimism and darkness that I've gained for myself as well. I've grown to become such a dark person that it is hard to find any bit of niceness in me anymore. There are days when I wake up feeling extreme abhorrence for the person standing before me in the mirror because it is hard to recognize her... It is hard to remember that she is who I am right now. It is hard to keep up with dark personas.
But this change has served me well too. I grew more determined to not be looked down upon by the people who's once hurt me. I grew more resistant to hurt and pain. I became more accepting of change. I became more wary of the people around me least I get hurt again.
It's served me well but it's changed me so much that I can no longer look at myself in the mirror without feeling pained that a part of me named innocence has left me for good.
And there are some people (who's been close to me) who never realizes the change in me because I mask it so well..
Toodles.
3 comments:
Don't feel too bad about conversations. I also used to be the same way and for awhile I wondered like, "Did I become boring?" or "Am I unmotivated to connect with people?" I think perhaps while maybe I did get a little bit more boring (I don't go out as much so less to talk about and most people don't want to hear me talking about studying or cooking), I think that I've also become a more private person. Perhaps you're the same way as well!
As far as being able to communicate for a profession.. I'm taking a communications class right now and I've learned that there are three "you's". The first is the you that every one gets to see--it's the best parts of you that you feel comfortable sharing (and maybe just a little bit of the worst too). The second is your professional you--how you are at work, your professional personality, etc. And the third and final is the "real" you which no one gets to see but yourself since you're the only person who truly knows yourself better than anyone else will be able to.
I think that in a professional environment, you'd do really well in communicating yourself. :) Don't pressure so much, okay? :)
Oh, I forgot to add.. "I believe in you!"
Hahhaha. Thanks so much dear. You're the most encouraging person I've ever came across! :D
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