Change

It's now 6.17AM as I type. I haven't caught a single stitch of sleep since I last woke up 12.30PM. ): I am really tired but I can't get to sleep no matter what and now I am scared to sleep because I have to wake up early later on since I cannot miss school.

And this is why I am blogging. I really need to do something to pass time.

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(credits: x)

If there's one thing in life I get really terrified of, it's change. Strange, I never do remember being this afraid of change in the past when I was younger. In fact I used to like it. I loved whenever I was able to walk into a new environment, I loved how dynamic life used to be. But now I guess I am old and don't really like changes anymore...

I was reading a few of my old friends' blogs and it struck me just how much they've all changed. It makes me sad to note their changes and how they don't seem to realize how much they've changed. It makes me sad to note that I might never be the same with some of them anymore. It makes me sad to note that the Dunman days are really over. It makes me sad to realize that we've all grown up... It makes me sad to finally see the need to move on...

(credits: x)

I don't like the term "moving on"

They all make it sound too easy. As if moving on is really as easy as just putting your feet forward and walking. As if moving on is really as easy as just picking up the broken pieces of your heart and placing it back into its original locations.

...

It's never as easy as that. Stepping out from a heartbreak is never that easy. It could take up to an infinite amount of years to finally step out of that kind of pain. You want to glue the pieces back together but there's always missing bits here and there. You want to lift your feet and put it forward but you realize they are somehow fixed to the floor. You want to actually move forward but you realize there's not a stitch of strength in your body...

It takes a person to melt you and push you and love you to be able to probably take you through that sort of pain.

And how often do you meet people like this?

Once a year? Once a month?

Once in a lifetime?

It's so hard to measure. It's like it's impossible to measure.

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Hahaha. I always seem to somehow be able to shift the focus of my post don't I? I thought this post was about change but then somehow it shifted to moving on and then heartbreaks...

I definitely need to learn how to just focus on one point and not like my brain take me anywhere it wants to.

Okay.

Toodles.